Every once in a while I think I got it. Yes! I am happy now! It never lasts long though. Far too quickly does that feeling of utter contentment, and knowledge that all is right with me and the world, fade away. It doesn’t survive long in the messiness of everyday life.
I wonder. Is it only me, running after happiness, chasing it like some elusive holy grail that is impossible to catch? Am I in fact shadowing it, follwing it around but never being in the same place? Or is this the normal, that everyone feels, that thing that we call life? I wish I knew, because not knowing feels lonely. In my ignorance I cannot ask for fear of revealing that I, in fact, am not happy most of the time.
I am not unhappy either but stress at work, stress with chores, stress with something that I just have to finish before… it cancels out the time I could take to just be. Just be happy. So I will continue in my chase, hoping beyond hope that the small moments I seem to have arrived are many – and that will be enough.